Thursday, September 24, 2009

AUWins Ausome College Football Blog Week 4

AUWins College Football Blog Week 4

Tonight's Exciting Episode: The Calm Before The Storm!

Welcome once again all of my brethren and sisters of the church of the Fall Saturday! I trust that in the first 3 weeks you have been blessed with as much fun and excitement as I, you're loyal and faithful blogger. So much has already happened to scramble the hunt for the national champion this year. And if you think that all the big upsets and all the huge surprises are over...BWAAAAAAAAA HAA HAAA HAAAAA!!!

Week 4 has several good/interesting contests...but it's the week of the season where a lot of teams are playing one of their last patsies before conference play begins in earnest next week for everyone. It's the calm before the storm (hence the title of this week's blog...well you get it)

Some initial thoughts of retrospection on Week 3...

USC and UW

There are a lot of "sayings" in college football. Some hold true while other sayings tend to be proven wrong over time. There is, however, one saying that has stood the test of time. It goes something like, "If you have two quarterbacks, then really don't have ANY quarterbacks." Every year we see teams try to juggle the 2 QB system. Every head coach thinks HIS TEAM will be the exception. Sorry Pete...even your mighty Trojan horse got brought down (yet again I might add) by another inferior Pac 10 school. This time your Achilles Heel was starting another QB in place of the young man who dazzled the nation against the U of Northern Rednecks the week before. Now, I know that Barkley was supposedly injured, but I gathered that you, Mr. Carroll, were playing a little fast and loose with the notion that one week you could play a true freshman on the road and win and then the very next week start another guy with limited experience on the road and come out victorious as well.

Sorry........

The Joseph Smith's vs The Semen Holes

Good God! I lost my arse on this pickem!! Jeeeeeeeeeeeez...Louise!! You GOTTA be joking!!

The U of The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat vs The Utes (Not Youths...Utes!)

Displaying their 45th uniform combo...the U of Oregon presented the nation with the ugliest thing ever seen with their grey pants and whatever the hell they were wearing up top. Utah never regained their composure after seeing Oregon come out onto the field for warmups and lost the game badly.

Okay, enough bitching about week 3. Let's look ahead to week 4 and get some gold nuggets of wisdom from yours truly.

Week 4 Key Matchups

Hokies vs Miami

If you're not impressed with Miami so far, then you just have thing against Miami! Jacory Harris looks totally unflappable and has command over his passing game. The running game is also coming around as opponents begin to respect the passing attack for Miami. The team's overall speed looks like Miami of old. Matching Harris and Taylor is no contest. Miami will go to Blacksburg and win convincingly up there.

Cal vs The Quacking Quacks

For all that transpired on week 1 against Boise...I am starting to believe that Oregon might just jump up and be a decent team and a contender in the PAC 10 after all this season. What they did to Utah last week has me (and many other fans too) scratching their head. The game is AT Oregon, one of the loudest stadiums in the country. I think this is a tossup game coming down to the team with the ball last either winning it or losing it on the final drive. I'll take Cal...but I ain't puttin' no money on it!

The Filthy Farm Animals vs The Cirmsen Tahd (phonetically spelled for bammers)

You may think that just because this Mallett kid threw the ball all over a horrific excuse for a defense last week that bammer might be in trouble. Forget it. Bama has had two off weeks to fine tune the engine and that engine is getting ready to run over Bobby Boy in Tusks Are Loosers this Saturday (sorry Gary!) Yeah, Arky might score a couple of first half touchdowns as the bama D settles in...but it will most likely get ugly enough for Petrino to be on his cell by fourth quarter asking his agent to begin the job search again.

Okie State vs Grambling State

Chaaaa!! Right!!

The Oldest Human on Earth vs Iowa

Sorry, I know I already used "Oldest Human on Earth" in an earlier blog for Joe, but I like it. It's pretty damn funny.

I think that Iowa is way too inconsistent to go into Gleeful Dip In the Land and win. I don't think Penn St. is really all that great from what little I've seen, but they don't look bad either. Joe gets another W to stay well ahead of St. Bowden now that the NCAA has finally decided to sanction the MF for all the years of cheating down there in Tallahassee!!

Games To Keep An Eye On

Not a ton this week. Remember the name of this week's blog. Calm before the storm. But....

Stanford vs UW

The Huskies are on the road against Jim Harbaugh and a not-so-friggin-bad team in Stanford. After the program defining upset last Saturday, we all know how hard it will be for Washington to come back down to earth...especially on the road. I believe the Cardinal takes it and the guy in the tree costume gets peed on by the Washington mascot in the 3rd quarter.

The Herschel Walkers vs That Guy Who Used To Coach Miami

No reason THUGA shouldn't win this one. I'm certainly not going to predict the upset. But the puppies have been living dangerously all season (losing one already) and I don't think too many leghumper fans are going to just assume a V here. Georgia wins at home but the D will most likely continue to struggle and give up points. Willie Martinez has to change his phone number after this Saturday so Mark Richt will quit calling him and threatening his family.

Houston vs The Pirates of the Caribbean (Aarrrrrgh!!)

Frankly I have ZERO clue as to how this game will go. Yeah, UH beat the dogshite out of an overhyped, overanked Okie State team. But Mike "I'm a Pirate" Leach is just too good (and too WEIRD) to lose a game like this. Unless Tech is just way overmanned here, I see the red raiders taking this one in a wild shootout....or swordfight...or whatever pirates do in battle.

So that's it! Please tell your fellow college fans to come on board and read. Feel free to leave a comment or your own take on some of these matchups! Until next week when we REALLY get going...enjoy, be safe, and drink heavily!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Week 3 AUWins AUsome College Football Blog

Week 3: Rubber Meets The Road

Welcome all of my good friends and fellow college football fans! I trust that after two weeks you are having as much fun this year as I am watching all the great CF action around the country. Let's make a couple of quick comments about last week's games before launching into this week's matchups.

Notes From Week 2

Ohio St sold its soul and its future to the recruiting gurus who have taken over college football. Terrell Pryor, as I suspected all along, is just another fast runner who's big and occasionally can fling the ball a long way if he's without pressure. One thing he is NOT...is a first rate college QB.

THUGA is at a crossroads this season going into Arky. Yeah you scored 30 plus against the roosters...but they scored 30 plus on your D too. This week will determine if you have a mediocre to good season and a horrible one. You need to beat Arky there. If you don't, the wheels come off the rest of the way with fans griping and moaning and the team doing the same.

The last drive performance by Barkley for USC Saturday was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen a freshman do in CF. Wow!!

Week 3 Matchups

Okay boys and girls, this week is where the STUFF really starts to fly! There are a host of games that could go any way. Teams are now being matched with fairly equal talent and it's anyone's guess as to who the winner will be.

God's Favorite Player vs The Assclown From Smoky Country

First know this. No game could ever be as big a blowout as everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) is predicting when you match two big time SEC foes like this. The line is way too big for UF here. UT may not be any good...but even with dipsh*t for a head coach and his older than dirt father calling the D, UT has too much pride and talent to let UF whip them as badly as it's being touted. UF wins...but the spread will be more like 21 at MOST.

St. Mark vs Judas Iscariot

If you don't know who Judas was it's because you're an aetheist and you're going to hell. So don't worry 'bout it! As I stated above, this is the swing game for the mutt's season. I don't like Bobby "Where's My Next Job" Petrino, but I'm pulling for him to beat the doggies at his house and send them packing for the rest of the season. However, realistically we don't know that much about Arky yet. They've only played one game so far. THUGA has been in the fire twice now and is 1-1. I don't have a clue as to who's gonna win this game. Simply not enough info. My hunch? THUGA's boys are tired of hearing how bad they are so far this season. They'll pull together on the road and pull out a V in hogland.

Games to Watch Out For

Be ready to see about half your picks this week be wrong!! I'm serious. There are just simply too many close matchups this week. For me...I'm just hoping I can come away lightly damaged in my CF pool after Saturday. Here's some games that I think go either way.

UNC vs Lou's Son

I predicted last week that Uconn would give Butch and his boys all they could handle. I think the same thing happens again this week. East Carolina is a pretty solid team...and they aren't happy about losing to W. VA last week. I'll give the tar heels a V only because it's at home, but I wouldn't bet my own money on it.

Boise St. vs Fresno St.

I haven't the foggiest!! Tossup game.

Condoms vs West Coast Version of Dawgs

If you bet money on college football....take my advice and stay the HELL away from this game!!! I mean it!! Barkley may not play and they are coming off a HUUUUUUGE emotional win at the northern redneck capital. UW has been playing well under what's his Italian face. DON'T TOUCH IT!!

The Socialists vs The Gophers

Cal looks pretty solid so far. But they gotta play Minn. at the new stadium in the land of a thousand lakes. I hate, hate, hate this game from a pickem standpoint. Absolutely HATE IT!! I'll take the talent of Cal over the dirt digging rodents...but I don't like it. Not one bit. Ewweeeee!!

The Manly Men of AU vs the Hatfields and McCoys

Auburn has progressed light years from where it ended the nightmare that was the 08 season. Without dumbf*ck Tony Franklin submarining the offense, AU actually is back to resembling an SEC caliber team this year. After two weeks of getting used to the new coaching staff and the new offensive and defensive philosophies...in comes West Va. It will be a TEST! Last week the mountaineer's QB put up 4 TD's and looked like Mr. All-World. Can the AU defense which has looked a little shaky in sections hold him and the little midget Noel Devine? We'll see. I'm a homer, which means I'm predicting AU wins but in a close game by 4. AUWins may suffer a stroke in the process but it'll be fun just so long as my beloved Plainsmen come out with a win.

I wish all my readers a happy 3rd weekend of college ball. Enjoy, be safe and War Eagle!!!

Friday, September 11, 2009

AUWins AUsome College Football Blog Week 2

Hello again everybody from the land of milk and honey and by honey I don't mean the kind that bees make. Try to figure that out why I finish my incredibly insightful points about the upcoming weekend in college football!

I trust that all of my faithful followers had a great Labor Day weekend and enjoyed all the college football we had on display last week. As I predicted, Ohio State struggled mightily with the Navy option attack. What I could NOT predict is the Navy's head coach (okay, YOU go ahead and try to pronounce it!) would make such a boneheaded play call on the 2 point conversion to literally hand the hard fought game over to the butteyes. Horrible!

It was also no real surprise that the tahd from bama tore loose on the circumsized roosters in the fourth quarter. I had thought it would come down to mistakes and that the more experienced hokies would make less of them. Turned out it was simply a matter of who was the stronger man. As usual in that type of contest, the SEC prevailed.

Finally, I believe THUGA may be in trouble. Trust me, as an Auburn fan I've seen it up close and personal.

So what words of impeccable wisdom do I have for this week? Let us pray....


Weekend 2 Notable Matchups

The Butt Eyes vs U of Spoiled Children

Let me state this up front. I believe T. Pryor is one of the most overhyped kids in a long time in CF. I told one of my buddies last weekend as we watched him against Navy that so far he looks like a taller and larger Mike Vick. No real consistency with his passing game. State will ride his legs and hope he's another V. Young but so far he's not. On the other side of this you have a true freshman QB for the used condoms. I don't like that when you combine it with being on the road in one of the largest football stadiums in the country. However, I just feel in my gut that the surrounding speed and talent at SC is better than the home field advantage of OSU. I think this game is close for 3 quarters, but then Pryor will fumble or throw an INT in the fourth and then the wheels will come off .

USC by 10.

The Leps vs Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecheegan

If you put Fattyboy up against the Mountain West and WAC (minus Boise St) all season then Lou Holthhhhz could see his sexual fantasy come true and the fighting fairy boys would win a NC. But Michigan is not a lowly Mtn West or WAC team. And while we don't really know just how improved they are this season, the dancing green leprechauns are at the big house and I think the home field advantage and the coaching advantage of Richy boy will prevail.

UM by 7 and Charlie Wies splits his britches bending over to retrieve his dropped stat sheet.

Games Worth Keeping An Eye On (Just for fun)

UNC vs UConn

I hate these kinds of games because the lesser team (in this case, UConn) usually play really well and can pull off the upset, but they can also go in and lay an egg too. I think this is one of the better chances to see an upset this weekend. UConn is fiesty with something to prove every time they take the field. They played well last weekend scoring in bunches. UNC had better NOT have tar heels tomorrow!

The 'Cuse vs The Worlds Oldest Living Human

Yeah they lost late last weekend to Minnesota. But just as I had a funny feeling about Navy and OSU last weekend I'm telling you to chech the halftime score of this one and see what's going on before writing the orangemen off.

bama vs fla. intl

Just joking!!!! Haa haaa!

The Scholars of the SEC vs Asshat Lester and Yella Thangs

Vandy had absolutely GROSS rushing yardage last weekend. Lester and his ilk struggled on the road vs the huskies. I have a feeling The Who will play much better at home but if you're a TRUE fan of CF...you'll watch what Vandy does running the ball this weekend in redstick. I think the coonarses win it but it will be a close game late.

THUGA vs The Cockfighters

God only knows. Both of these SEC teams looked downright pathetic in week 1. It's at the toiletbowl in Athens (that's Georgia, not Greece for you bama fans out there) so I give the mutts a three point victory. Spurrier will shove his visor up Garcia's arse and then go out and play QB himself in the second half.

The Men of Auburn vs The Poor Man's bulldogs

My beloved Tigers looked strong in the second half in week one. I believe they will improve tenfold this week on both sides of the ball. But I also believe State brings in a rejuvinated program who will play hard for 3 quarters and keep it from being a blowout. In the fourth Q however, Auburn and the homefield advantage take over and we leave beautiful Jordan (that's pronounced "Jer-dan") Hare singing about how great it is to be an Auburn Tiger. AU by 13.

I trust all of my wonderful readers and followers have a terrific weekend and if you travel, travel well and travel safely.

Enjoy....and WAR EAGLE!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Week 1 Games To Watch and Why

Hello my fellow college football friends and welcome to the very first AUwins College Football blog. We are approaching the most exciting time of the year, Fall and the wonderful game it brings with it! College football is in the air my good friends and fellow travellers...let's start this season off with week one observations. You're comments are always welcome and appreciated. Agree...disagree...give your thoughts. It's all good.


Week 1 Notable Games


1. Virginia Tech and bama


If Tech's starting RB Evans was playing it would be slightly easier to pick the more experience offense in this opener for both top ten teams. But "if" doesn't do a dam thing for you in college football, baby! The one thing I am pretty certain of is that this game won't break 40 points combined. You have two stout defenses who would normally be ahead of the offense anyway in a first game...but these two are ridiculous. You might very well have more points scored by the defenses in this game than the offenses.


In the end, I'm still tempted to take the more experienced offense (O line and QB) of Va Tech, not because they'll score more, but because they'll most likely commit fewer mistakes than the more inexperience bama O. And in a first game like this it's mistakes that win or lose the game for ya.


Va Tech by a field goal.


Oklahoma State vs Leghumpers


I just read today where State's only starter on defense was arrested last Friday and that today their starting TE left the team. Upstart programs like State scare me when predicting an outcome because they have no history to support their potential performance one way or the other. With the types of issues I just mentioned above I'm concerned for the Cowboys on Saturday. Too much hype all offseason and sometimes being the home team in such a hugely anticipated game like this one for them can actually be a detriment.


I don't like the bulldogs. I have a personal disdain for all things THUGA. But...I believe the dogs are going to be more focused on the game itself and the Cowboys are going to have too many distractions. I think somehow, someway the Toiletlappers are gonna come outta Stillwater with a win.


And then all the rest of the SEC especially those of us in Atlanta will be looking for the nearest gun to shoot the loudmouthed mutt fans up!


Other Games You Will Want To Keep An Eye On


There are some games creeping around this first weekend that I am going to tell you straight up you should keep your left eye on. They could get interesting.


1. Neutered Damsel vs Nevada - Jus' sayin.......


2. Ole Miss vs Memphis - Lotto hype vs good, solid team in first game. Memphis tends to give the Missies fits! We'll be keeping and close watch on this opener.


3. Ohio State vs Navy - Teams simply do NOT see the triple option/wishbone anymore UNLESS they happen to play Navy. Well, I don't think Navy's defense is going to stop Ohio State and their all-everything QB sensation....but this score will be closer than most would ever think because of Navy's ability to run the dam ball down your throat!!


4. Oklahoma vs BYU - Glad MY team ain't playin' no Mormons on opening day! Scary, scary, scary opener for the national title hopeful Sooners.


5. The Hat vs Washington - If it was AT lsu...not much to consider. But this game is AT WASHINGTON!! Wheeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....could be some tight sphincter muscles in baton rouge Saturday. I think the Who will pull it out...but this is a helluva an opener for the coonarses.


6. Auburn vs La Tech - We'll see if the starting talent for my beloved Tigers can overcome a rising team in La Tech for the first game. Dooley is building this program the right way and they WON their bowl game last season. I'll take a one point win and let's move on to Miss State 1-0 if you please....PLEASE!!!!!!


So there you have it! I gotta feeling that just like two years ago when the college football world watched in absolute disbelief as a small ol' Div. AA school called App State took it to the mighty Wolverines...we're gonna see one or two real surprises in week one.


Weigh in with your thoughts!! Let's get this party started again.