AUWins College Football Blog - Week 12
**Note: Due to a lack of games this week (of any significance that is...) AUWins is taking the week off....however.......
Quick Shots For My Faithful Followers
1. Michigan will upset Ohio State this weekend in the Big House. Rich Rod wins a reprieve for one more year.
2. Alabama will lose to Chattanooga and Nick Saban will be named the new Notre Dame head coach on Monday.
JUST KIDDING!!!!!
(if you remembe my earlier prediction from two weeks ago....Urban Meyer will be the next ND head coach.)
3. UVA will upset Clemscum and throw the ACC into total chaos, putting lil' ol' Boston College in the ACC championship game against Ga Tech.
4. Michigan State beats Joepa.
5. Bob Stoops brother wins this weekend over a suddenly struggling Oregon team and put Arizona in the PAC 10 drivers seat.
6. Nebraska will beat K State and go to their conference championship. A shout out to all my good Nebraska friends. Good season for Bo and company and with some offensive firepower, the "N" will be back and competing in the Big 12 by 2011.
7. THUGA will lose to UK because they are all giddy from their big comeback win over Auburn. Richt will blame the loss on their dead dog who kicked the bucket after the Auburn game.
Don't beat Auburn and not expect to have judgement passed down upon you. Do you remember what I told you last week about this game???? Hmmmmmmmm?? Next year I hear our raptor trainers are gonna send our eagle down during the pre-game flight and pick up their new dog and circle the stadium a few times about 1,000 feet in the air before dropping it to the middle of Pat Dye Field!
Anyways dear readers, have a nice weekend and we will be back next week with the final version of AUWins 2009 college football blog on TUESDAY (not Thursday or Friday).
Friday, November 20, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
AUWins College Football Blog - Week 11
AUWins College Football Blog - Week 11
Screw 2012....THIS Is The End of The World, Man!!!
Week 10 Recap and Notes
So, you still didn't believe after all this time that AUWins can call 'em huh?
After all this time of my loving gifts to you you STILL didn't wanna listen to your gracious giver of all college football knowledge.
And so yet another week went by as you stood in front of the TV...mouth apape...and watched prediction after prediction come true.
Did you take Northwestern over Iowa like I told ya too? Shaaaaaaaaame, shame, shame.
Did my Nebraska buddies take comfort in knowing their beloved shuckers of corn would beat a shellshocked OK squad???
Did you watch Navy take the Waddlin' Hippo and his boys down to the wire like AUWins told you they would (okay, so I DID pick fatso to pull it out, but the luck was actually spinning Navy's way that day!)?
Did you watch the Ducks get it in the arse at Stanford? Told ya the Tree would keep it close....oh yeah, they beat the yellow snot out of the Quacks. Oh well....
Well my friends, as we begin the final home stretch of the season let AUWins tell you this. Starting this weekend some really funky shite is going to start happening to a LOT of favored teams. Rivalries come into play. Games take on conference title implications. This season has been a bubbling volcano waiting for the lid to blow and it starts THIS SATURDAY!!!
Week 11 Key Matchups and Predictions
The Made Up Animal Combo vs The Coonskin Dorks
Who the **** ever came up with a made up animal name like "bearcat"???? What the **** is it even supposed to be or look like???? Does it hibernate in winter like a real bear...or does it bathe itself by licking its fur???
I guess MonsterQuest will be doing a show about the search for the mysterious Bearcat terrorizing the urbanites in Cincy soon.
And for the game....it won't even be close. Noel Devine will most likely be sitting out. He's about 80 percent of their offense. Their D has been pretty lame all season. It's at Cincinnati.
Hideous made-up bearcat animal/monster/whatever-the-f*** win huge.
Godawful Nuts vs The Eyes of The Lamest Bird In The Entire Raptor Family
No one eats or likes buckeyes. You don't even attempt to eat one at Christmas even out of tradition. Their totally gross and totally useless to the modern diet. Yet somehow a team named after a cross between a nut and a bean is supposed to be all that and then some.
Pfffffffffft........
OSU should beat Iowa at home (I don't think they play an away game all season, sheeeeeeesh!!)....and they will. Iowa lost their QB and the one they threw in there last Saturday couldn't get laid with 20 grand in a Texas whorehouse!
OSU by 21 or more. Iowa goes back to it's desolate midwest town to hibernate for the winter.
The Condoms vs The Tree That Fell and EVERYONE Heard It!!!
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwzzzzzaaaaa!!
This is the toughest matchup of the weekend folks. As I've instructed you my dear readers many times on similar type games...stay the hell away from this one if you're betting with real money. Just don't go near it!!!
Stanford is FOR REAL BABY! But they play on the road at USC who has only lost 2 home games in like the past 80 years or something.
Guess who the last team to beat 'em at home was........?
I think for pride and to keep their slim to nothing chance of a Rose Bowl alive the used spunkholders will pull it out. But would I take one over the other for anything meaningful. HELL NO!!
The Fighting Bahrs vs The Definition of Insignificance
Let's get this out of the way so my tide followers won't begin reading this apprehensive about a predicted shocker in Starkvegas. The Turds will win.
But while bama deserves all the credit in the world up to this point for going undefeated...State is going to take them down the wire and it is going to be a repeart of UT. bammer wins it ugly and wins it ohhhhhhhhhhhh so close.
The significance? bammer slips back again to 3 in the polls and begins to get the jitters about it's final games with Auburn and the SECC.
Pitt vs "Will Work For Food" Charlie Weiss
Pitt wins. Weiss continues concentrating on getting his resume out to the NFL heads.
And here is why I'm writing about this game.
You read it here first.
Urban Meyer will become the next head coach at ND.
Yep!!
He's sick of all the BS he's having to take being in the SEC (see Kiffin and Slive) and it's his dream job. It's all just too perfectly timed.
Remember who you heard it from first as not just speculation....but as a point of fact!
The Auburn Tigers vs Thieves, Thugs, and Rapers of Small Children
I will not predict the outcome of this game. The reason being that I have never bet on this game nor given a prediction of it's outcome for fear/superstition that it will hurt my beloved Tigers' chances.
But let me tell you of the Sodom and Gomorrah that lies to the northeast of Atlanta. They practice the Black Arts over there. Women do things that God instructed us as his creatures not to do!! Men do even WORSE things over in that place!!!
They can't keep any pets around that city because the students over in Athens, GA keep kidnapping them and sacrificing them to the god Baal!!!
And for all this wickedness....judgement is coming you fans of THUGA!!
Judgement is coming.
I wish all of you the very best of weekends and pray for your safety if you travel anywhere. Enjoy this final stretch of the best time of the year and may your team win......unless your a Georgia fan and then I wish nothing but pain and heartache on you!!
BLEHHHHH!!
Screw 2012....THIS Is The End of The World, Man!!!
Week 10 Recap and Notes
So, you still didn't believe after all this time that AUWins can call 'em huh?
After all this time of my loving gifts to you you STILL didn't wanna listen to your gracious giver of all college football knowledge.
And so yet another week went by as you stood in front of the TV...mouth apape...and watched prediction after prediction come true.
Did you take Northwestern over Iowa like I told ya too? Shaaaaaaaaame, shame, shame.
Did my Nebraska buddies take comfort in knowing their beloved shuckers of corn would beat a shellshocked OK squad???
Did you watch Navy take the Waddlin' Hippo and his boys down to the wire like AUWins told you they would (okay, so I DID pick fatso to pull it out, but the luck was actually spinning Navy's way that day!)?
Did you watch the Ducks get it in the arse at Stanford? Told ya the Tree would keep it close....oh yeah, they beat the yellow snot out of the Quacks. Oh well....
Well my friends, as we begin the final home stretch of the season let AUWins tell you this. Starting this weekend some really funky shite is going to start happening to a LOT of favored teams. Rivalries come into play. Games take on conference title implications. This season has been a bubbling volcano waiting for the lid to blow and it starts THIS SATURDAY!!!
Week 11 Key Matchups and Predictions
The Made Up Animal Combo vs The Coonskin Dorks
Who the **** ever came up with a made up animal name like "bearcat"???? What the **** is it even supposed to be or look like???? Does it hibernate in winter like a real bear...or does it bathe itself by licking its fur???
I guess MonsterQuest will be doing a show about the search for the mysterious Bearcat terrorizing the urbanites in Cincy soon.
And for the game....it won't even be close. Noel Devine will most likely be sitting out. He's about 80 percent of their offense. Their D has been pretty lame all season. It's at Cincinnati.
Hideous made-up bearcat animal/monster/whatever-the-f*** win huge.
Godawful Nuts vs The Eyes of The Lamest Bird In The Entire Raptor Family
No one eats or likes buckeyes. You don't even attempt to eat one at Christmas even out of tradition. Their totally gross and totally useless to the modern diet. Yet somehow a team named after a cross between a nut and a bean is supposed to be all that and then some.
Pfffffffffft........
OSU should beat Iowa at home (I don't think they play an away game all season, sheeeeeeesh!!)....and they will. Iowa lost their QB and the one they threw in there last Saturday couldn't get laid with 20 grand in a Texas whorehouse!
OSU by 21 or more. Iowa goes back to it's desolate midwest town to hibernate for the winter.
The Condoms vs The Tree That Fell and EVERYONE Heard It!!!
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwzzzzzaaaaa!!
This is the toughest matchup of the weekend folks. As I've instructed you my dear readers many times on similar type games...stay the hell away from this one if you're betting with real money. Just don't go near it!!!
Stanford is FOR REAL BABY! But they play on the road at USC who has only lost 2 home games in like the past 80 years or something.
Guess who the last team to beat 'em at home was........?
I think for pride and to keep their slim to nothing chance of a Rose Bowl alive the used spunkholders will pull it out. But would I take one over the other for anything meaningful. HELL NO!!
The Fighting Bahrs vs The Definition of Insignificance
Let's get this out of the way so my tide followers won't begin reading this apprehensive about a predicted shocker in Starkvegas. The Turds will win.
But while bama deserves all the credit in the world up to this point for going undefeated...State is going to take them down the wire and it is going to be a repeart of UT. bammer wins it ugly and wins it ohhhhhhhhhhhh so close.
The significance? bammer slips back again to 3 in the polls and begins to get the jitters about it's final games with Auburn and the SECC.
Pitt vs "Will Work For Food" Charlie Weiss
Pitt wins. Weiss continues concentrating on getting his resume out to the NFL heads.
And here is why I'm writing about this game.
You read it here first.
Urban Meyer will become the next head coach at ND.
Yep!!
He's sick of all the BS he's having to take being in the SEC (see Kiffin and Slive) and it's his dream job. It's all just too perfectly timed.
Remember who you heard it from first as not just speculation....but as a point of fact!
The Auburn Tigers vs Thieves, Thugs, and Rapers of Small Children
I will not predict the outcome of this game. The reason being that I have never bet on this game nor given a prediction of it's outcome for fear/superstition that it will hurt my beloved Tigers' chances.
But let me tell you of the Sodom and Gomorrah that lies to the northeast of Atlanta. They practice the Black Arts over there. Women do things that God instructed us as his creatures not to do!! Men do even WORSE things over in that place!!!
They can't keep any pets around that city because the students over in Athens, GA keep kidnapping them and sacrificing them to the god Baal!!!
And for all this wickedness....judgement is coming you fans of THUGA!!
Judgement is coming.
I wish all of you the very best of weekends and pray for your safety if you travel anywhere. Enjoy this final stretch of the best time of the year and may your team win......unless your a Georgia fan and then I wish nothing but pain and heartache on you!!
BLEHHHHH!!
Friday, November 6, 2009
AUWins AUsome College Football Blog - Week 10
AUWins AUsome College Football Blog - Week 10
Week 10 - How The West Was Won
Week 9 Recap and Thoughts
Happy Friday and I hope that all my good readers have had a good week and are looking ahead to a most excellent weekend. If not...well then it must suck to be you.
Haa Haa! Just kidding...I would never talk to my adoring followers that way.
So did you sit back in awe of AUWins last weekend? Did you say to yourself, "My God!! How does he KNOW this stuff???"
Okay so I tried for once in my adult life to be kind to the lowly mutt fans out there just to make them feel better about their pathetic team. But even the great AUWins had zero clue that Saint Mark would enter the field on Halloween with his team dressed as Grambling. Had I had any inkling of this last gasp of desperation from a fallen coach and a fallen program, I would have taken the Gay Turds as big favorites (once I was able to quit laughing that is).
So did you do as I said and take the Quack Quacks big over USC? You didn't? Well let that be a lesson to you then. Whe AUWins speaks, E F Hutton listens! So does everyone else.
Did you take Auburn over Ol' Piss? You didn't? Well let that be the second lesson in your learning process oh grasshopper.
Are you tired of reading AUWins' bragging? Okay, on to Week 10.....
Week 10 Matchups and Predictions
Can you actually believe that we are already at week 10 of the college football season? Does it really seem like 10 whole weeks ago that you were reading AUWins' Week 1 blog in rapt attention?? Good grief!! If only the friggin' NBA season would seem to come and go this fast!!!
On to my invaluable insights and prognostications (that's the same as "predictions" for you bammers and mangy mutt lovers out there.)
Hawkeyes vs Northwestern
Sorry...I just can't come up with anything decent to name these two teams other than their already bland real names. So why am I bothering to mention this game? Because AUWins believes this could be the shocker of the weekend. The upset no one sees coming. Iowa has lived on the edge all year. You live THAT close EVERY game...it's gonna come back to haunt you against someone that you least expect.
I would put a small wager down on the Wildcats. Not enough to cause me any heartache like that one girl I knew who could do amazing things with her........
Directional school in a close one.
The Waddling Hippo vs Navy
Navy is getting their QB back this week along with some other key players. Neutered Damsel keeps flirting with disaster with these smaller programs. I think Navy scares the ever-lovin' touchdown Jesus out of Fatboy and Casey "My Face Always Looks Like I Smell A Fart" Clausen.
ND hasn't played an away game all year, and this is yet another homer for the irish. They'll get that unbelievable lucky play or break and win a heartstopper.
Coke Bottles For Glasses vs The Most Overhyped Team In History
Yes it's JoePa vs The Sweater ladies and gentlemen!! Aren't you excited??? Aren't you on the edge of your seat for this huge game of national .....well.....regional.....okay ZERO implications?
No I didn't think so. As my good friend once said, I'd rather watch a hayride. If it's snowing or bad weather up there in Gay Valley I might watch a few minutes to laugh at the northern idiots who sit in that crap every year. Other than that the winner of this game gets a Rodney Dangerfield special. (That's a free bowl of soup for you non-Caddyshack followers)
I think Pryor is totally unreliable against good defenses. I believe The Oldest Living Human will rely on his defense to pressure the overhyped QB sensation into multiple mistakes and will win at home. Like most all Little 10 games it will be boring, plodding and just downright unwatchable.
The Aflac Ducks vs A Tree
I don't have a lot of insight on this game, mainly because AUwins hasn't see ANY Stanford games this season. It's at Stanford. Oregon is coming off a monumental win for their program last weekend (that yours truly predicted). Harbaugh is an excellent coach and has this program moving up.
Watch this one in the fourth quarter to see an exciting finish. The Amazing Multi Colored Uniforms win a nailbiter on the road.
The Pure Bred Rednecks vs The Coonasses
Hence this week's blog title. This is for the Western division of the SEC. Bammer is coming off a bye and lsu might as well be (Tulane last week in a blowout). It's at bammer, which in a twist of irony is actually in favor of....get this...LSU!!! The coons have won their last FOUR at the ugliest, most unkept field in college football.
I'm not sold on The Asshat's team though. I think Auburn made the bayou bengals look like world beaters and that has everyone saying "Ooooo...look at lsu!"
Well....sorry coonasses! AU has made just about everyone look great during the month of October. You're QB is still unreliable and you have no real running game to speak of.
Bammer will completely shut down lsu's rushing attack, force George Jefferson (WHEEZY!!!) to throw and while their offense will probably still sputter the D will acount for 14 points.
A fairly easy V for the elephants at home.
The Laters vs The Children of the Corn
I am pretty puzzled by this game. Bo P. has not brought this Nebraska team very far from where they already were in close to two seasons now. It's at home though, and I am wondering if Stoops' boys have any real fire left in their belly. Their season's pretty much over.
Something tells me Nebraska, coming off a huge loss last week (I think, can't rememeber off hand), pulls it all together for a major effort this weekend and makes the cornball nation all giddy and happy for the first time since .....well forever over there.
My good Nebraska friends will be drinking a few extra this Saturday in celebration.
College Football's Greatest Team vs Furman University Christian Knights
Did you miss it? Huh?
Wanna know why no one ever writes out Furman's official mascot? Hmmmm?? Got it now??? Therrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre ya go!
This is a key fo AU because most of the exhausted starters at this point in the season will get some key rest for the home stretch against THUGA and the tahd.
That's it. What? You expected something profound about playing a AA school?
I hope that all of you have a terrific weekend and stay safe. Enjoy all the great football and we'll talk again next week for episode 11. Things gettin' ready to get interesting now folks........
Week 10 - How The West Was Won
Week 9 Recap and Thoughts
Happy Friday and I hope that all my good readers have had a good week and are looking ahead to a most excellent weekend. If not...well then it must suck to be you.
Haa Haa! Just kidding...I would never talk to my adoring followers that way.
So did you sit back in awe of AUWins last weekend? Did you say to yourself, "My God!! How does he KNOW this stuff???"
Okay so I tried for once in my adult life to be kind to the lowly mutt fans out there just to make them feel better about their pathetic team. But even the great AUWins had zero clue that Saint Mark would enter the field on Halloween with his team dressed as Grambling. Had I had any inkling of this last gasp of desperation from a fallen coach and a fallen program, I would have taken the Gay Turds as big favorites (once I was able to quit laughing that is).
So did you do as I said and take the Quack Quacks big over USC? You didn't? Well let that be a lesson to you then. Whe AUWins speaks, E F Hutton listens! So does everyone else.
Did you take Auburn over Ol' Piss? You didn't? Well let that be the second lesson in your learning process oh grasshopper.
Are you tired of reading AUWins' bragging? Okay, on to Week 10.....
Week 10 Matchups and Predictions
Can you actually believe that we are already at week 10 of the college football season? Does it really seem like 10 whole weeks ago that you were reading AUWins' Week 1 blog in rapt attention?? Good grief!! If only the friggin' NBA season would seem to come and go this fast!!!
On to my invaluable insights and prognostications (that's the same as "predictions" for you bammers and mangy mutt lovers out there.)
Hawkeyes vs Northwestern
Sorry...I just can't come up with anything decent to name these two teams other than their already bland real names. So why am I bothering to mention this game? Because AUWins believes this could be the shocker of the weekend. The upset no one sees coming. Iowa has lived on the edge all year. You live THAT close EVERY game...it's gonna come back to haunt you against someone that you least expect.
I would put a small wager down on the Wildcats. Not enough to cause me any heartache like that one girl I knew who could do amazing things with her........
Directional school in a close one.
The Waddling Hippo vs Navy
Navy is getting their QB back this week along with some other key players. Neutered Damsel keeps flirting with disaster with these smaller programs. I think Navy scares the ever-lovin' touchdown Jesus out of Fatboy and Casey "My Face Always Looks Like I Smell A Fart" Clausen.
ND hasn't played an away game all year, and this is yet another homer for the irish. They'll get that unbelievable lucky play or break and win a heartstopper.
Coke Bottles For Glasses vs The Most Overhyped Team In History
Yes it's JoePa vs The Sweater ladies and gentlemen!! Aren't you excited??? Aren't you on the edge of your seat for this huge game of national .....well.....regional.....okay ZERO implications?
No I didn't think so. As my good friend once said, I'd rather watch a hayride. If it's snowing or bad weather up there in Gay Valley I might watch a few minutes to laugh at the northern idiots who sit in that crap every year. Other than that the winner of this game gets a Rodney Dangerfield special. (That's a free bowl of soup for you non-Caddyshack followers)
I think Pryor is totally unreliable against good defenses. I believe The Oldest Living Human will rely on his defense to pressure the overhyped QB sensation into multiple mistakes and will win at home. Like most all Little 10 games it will be boring, plodding and just downright unwatchable.
The Aflac Ducks vs A Tree
I don't have a lot of insight on this game, mainly because AUwins hasn't see ANY Stanford games this season. It's at Stanford. Oregon is coming off a monumental win for their program last weekend (that yours truly predicted). Harbaugh is an excellent coach and has this program moving up.
Watch this one in the fourth quarter to see an exciting finish. The Amazing Multi Colored Uniforms win a nailbiter on the road.
The Pure Bred Rednecks vs The Coonasses
Hence this week's blog title. This is for the Western division of the SEC. Bammer is coming off a bye and lsu might as well be (Tulane last week in a blowout). It's at bammer, which in a twist of irony is actually in favor of....get this...LSU!!! The coons have won their last FOUR at the ugliest, most unkept field in college football.
I'm not sold on The Asshat's team though. I think Auburn made the bayou bengals look like world beaters and that has everyone saying "Ooooo...look at lsu!"
Well....sorry coonasses! AU has made just about everyone look great during the month of October. You're QB is still unreliable and you have no real running game to speak of.
Bammer will completely shut down lsu's rushing attack, force George Jefferson (WHEEZY!!!) to throw and while their offense will probably still sputter the D will acount for 14 points.
A fairly easy V for the elephants at home.
The Laters vs The Children of the Corn
I am pretty puzzled by this game. Bo P. has not brought this Nebraska team very far from where they already were in close to two seasons now. It's at home though, and I am wondering if Stoops' boys have any real fire left in their belly. Their season's pretty much over.
Something tells me Nebraska, coming off a huge loss last week (I think, can't rememeber off hand), pulls it all together for a major effort this weekend and makes the cornball nation all giddy and happy for the first time since .....well forever over there.
My good Nebraska friends will be drinking a few extra this Saturday in celebration.
College Football's Greatest Team vs Furman University Christian Knights
Did you miss it? Huh?
Wanna know why no one ever writes out Furman's official mascot? Hmmmm?? Got it now??? Therrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre ya go!
This is a key fo AU because most of the exhausted starters at this point in the season will get some key rest for the home stretch against THUGA and the tahd.
That's it. What? You expected something profound about playing a AA school?
I hope that all of you have a terrific weekend and stay safe. Enjoy all the great football and we'll talk again next week for episode 11. Things gettin' ready to get interesting now folks........
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