"And the Lord created the sixth day for His people to relax, drink and watch college football. And when He had created it He looked upon it and said, "It is good".
The Gospel According to Saint Jordan
Ladies and Gentlemen....The Moment We Have All Been Waiting For....
Greetings to all my loyal and wonderful readers. And isn't it well and good that we should gather here together once again to preview (and celebrate!) the greatest time of the year?!!! Yeslordhavemercyitssogood!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whether your team's mascot is dressed like a backyard poop dropper, a creature relegated to the foulest swamps, or a majestic jungle killer who strikes fear in the souls of all animals......it is indeed the most wonderful time of the year (with apologies to Santa).
As you have come to expect, my weekly college football blogs will educate, fascinate, illuminate and subjugate all of you with my higher intellect. These things I give you..loyal reader...out of the goodness of my heart.
So to get things started let us begin by taking a high level (and I do mean HIGH level) overview of the season to come. If your team is not mentioned in this preview, please don't fret. I'll be sure to make fun of your beloved coach and players at some point during the season.
AUWins' Top 10 for 2010
Here now is my first chance to piss a lot of you off. As fans we all want recognition for our team and we want prognosticators to pour love all over our boys like honey. Well, you'll have to settle for molasses with this blog....
Let me go ahead with fearless prediction number one. It's one that you've actually heard already and I for one believe it will happen. The SEC will NOT represent this year in the NC game. Sorry all you pachyderms and lizards. Neither of you will be in the Big One. My reasons are brilliantly stated below.
So, are you ready?
Are ya sure..........
Well then... quote The Great One, Jackie Gleason, "and awaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!"
Number 10
Wisconsin
Here is my surprise team. No, I haven't suddenly taken a liking to one of the most boring college teams in the land. But I DO believe the cheeseheads are ready to make waves in the Little 10..or 11...or whatever they are now. Da Baaaaadgers finish second in the conference and win a bowl game.
Yay.
Number 9
VA Tech
Another similar year for Frank "Don't Stare At My Charbroiled Neck" Beamer. They'll have 2 regular season losses, but will represent and win the ACC championship. Win their bowl game and give 'em #9 to be nice.
Number 8
The Corn Shuckers
Nebraska represents for the Big 12 North, but will have one loss at least going in. They will lose to OK and play in a decent bowl game (though NOT a BCS bowl game) and finish here. This sets up for a massive media blitz in the offseason for Bo and the boys looking ahead at 2011.
Number 7
TCU
Horny Toads have a really good season, get invited to a BCS bowl, and win.
Number 6
Boise State
The Blue Broncos will have one regular season loss (Va Tech), win a bowl game and finish 6th. I can't be sure due to their easy as pie schedule if they'll play in a BCS bowl, but it's possible.
Number 5
AlllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaBAMA!
Sorry to all my buddies who bleed crimson. The tahd deserves all the praise and glory for their NC last season and a helluva year before that too. I predict that bammer will beat UF at home in their regular season matchup....but will lose one other regular season game to any of these teams (Arky, lswho, Auburn). Not because any of these teams are better than bama, but because they have simply lost too much experience on D and if you just play the odds....a team going undefeated for 3 straight years in the toughest conference in America....just don't see it happening.
I believe that they will indeed go back to the SECC game. But there UF gets major payback both for last year's heart ripping loss in the SECC, and for the earlier loss in the season at bammy. Lil' Nickie will win the bowl game putting the tahhhhhd in a final #5 spot.
Number 4
The Texas Steers
Simply put, UT will have one loss going into the bowl season but that loss will be to OK. OK will go the Big 12 (cough!!) so UT goes to a big bowl game, wins and finishes #4. Yaawwwwwwwwwwn........
Number 3
The Gay Turds (that's UF for you slow folks out there)
Florida will finish the season with an SEC championship and a bowl win...but losing to bama early in the season will drop them far enough that they'll get passed over by OSU just barely for the BCSC. Huge controversy (what else would you expect from our wonderful "BCS system") follows and the chorus begins to really pick up steam to dismantle the system altogether.
Number 2
Ohio State Butt Eyes
Yes, I hear that horrible gasping of many a dear reader out there. Yes, this is still the AUWins who despises everything about the overhyped and perennial blowhard favorite OSU. But this blog is not necessarily about dissing programs based on previous polesmoking by the majority of the media out there.
I believe that as bad as it has been listening to the waterfall of gushing, orgiastic praise for one Terrell Pryor....common sense says the kid in year three will make a lot of big plays for the bastard nuts and put them in solid position (remember, they don't have to play a conference championship game) to win the big 10. As a matter of fact...I think that osu will have the conference won before it's finale against Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecheeeeeeeegan. And that game will be the final nail in Rich Rod's coffin when Pryor and the boys dismantle the furry little rodents in the Horshoe on 11/27.
But why would I not go ahead and just hand the NC trophy on to The Sweater? Read on dear reader....and be amazed!
Number ....drum roll.....1 !!!!
(In my best Rogers and Hammerstein's operatic voice)
Chooooooooooooookelahoma
So here we are...my number 1 at season's end after the BCS championship game.
"But you hate Oklahoma and you laugh at their futility over the years under Stoops to win the big one..", you say. Yes. That is correct my dear readers.
But as you have no doubt picked up on so far in this preview, I expect chaos and parity all through the season. The teams left standing for their conference championship at the end will all have at least one loss. That is everyone except for one team..... the Laters. Oklahoma has several keys to reaching the Big 12 championship game and then winning it.
1. It's the Big (cough!! cough!!!) 12. Or as some more accurately put it...the big 3 (now that Nebraska seems to be getting back to it's former self). Stoops and Brown at their respective schools simply have more depth and more talent than the next tier of teams in that conference.
2. Stoops and co. will win the Red River Shootout this year. Why? Because Landry Jones is now a seasoned veteran after starting most of last season and he will be the difference in that game over a true sophomore with 3 or 4 games under his belt.
3. OK will play a very much improved Husker team for the title game this year and win. Nebraska offensively is still one year away from having a solid enough offense to compliment it's stout D.
I believe, in reviewing Boomer Schooner's schedule, that they will go undefeated in the regular season. It is indeed possible they could lose to either A&M or UT, but this is a preseason preview...and I like taking wild risks and making completely unfounded assumptions!!!
They will play my runner up (see above) for the BCS and win. Why? Because I believe they will be in better shape physically. I think OSU has a slightly tougher road to hoe to get there (okay, if you can call the little 10 a "tough" schedule). True, they don't play a conference championship game...but their grind throughout the season will take a slightly bigger toll on them.
I also believe that history is a guide here for the BCS game itself. OSU simply won't have the special atheletes on offense to keep up. Landry and the OK O will put up enough points to smother any hope of an OSU victory by late in the game.
So! We are now set to kick it off in less than two weeks. It's gonna be fun as always. There are going to be a LOT of games played this season that even I...the great prognosticator himself...will not be able to pick with confidence. Parity amongst the conferences will rule the day my friend.
I hope that your team provides you with lots of excitement this season and that the injury bug will leave your boys alone. That said...LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!!
YEAH BABY, YEAH!!
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