AUWins AUsome College Football Blog - Week 8
This Week: MAYHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"No one here gets out alive....." Jim Morrison
Greetings all of my loyal and great readers!! I know you missed your weekly AUWins blog last week and so did I (writing it)...but AUWins has been a busy little boy at work and there was just not enough time to give you, my beloved followers, the time and insight that you have to come to expect of this AUsome blog!
But that was yesterday. On to this weekend's allotment. And ya better have your helmets strapped on tight...dear reader!
Week 8 Matchups and Predictions
Despite what you are about to read in this blog, let me state for the official record that this week will be like a nuclear bomb going off in the middle of the college football world. Continents will shift. Animals will turn against one another. The fish of the sea will rise up and invade all of us land dwellers. Get the point?
By late Saturday night, because of the matchups we have this weekend, chaos will reign supreme in land of college football.....and especially the BCS standings.
The Ga Tech Bumblebees vs The University of Snootyville
If you're a Tech fan this game scares the ever-loving bejesus out of you. Tech has not won AT Virginia since 1990!!!! That's 20 frickin' years ago!!!! No matter how bad VA may have been in past years or how good Tech was...the Cavaliers always found some way to beat the Jackets in what may be the tamest stadium in the country outside of an Ivy League school (of which some may actually consider Virginia if you ever met a grad from there...but I digress).
The difference maker for Tech this time in Charlottsville is their head coach. Paul Johnson will literally WILL this team to victory. He won't let them keep making mistakes or playing badly if they start out that way. Tech will win...but Al and his boys will keep this game uncomfortably close throughout.
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeechigan vs The Ol' Cumudgeon
This is the weekend Joepa gets exposed in a major way. They already lost at home to a so so Iowa squad. Michigan isn't a great team by any stretch...but Lil' Richie will outrun and outfox the worlds' oldest living man and beat the cowardly lions in the Big House.
Joepa will try to strangle a ref after the game but no one will admonish him because "that's just good ol' Joe".
The Kurmson Taaaaaahd vs Father and Son Renunion
I've actually heard some media mouths trying to raise the spectre of Monty's defense making this a game.
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Bama wins this one like they have all the others with defense and a great running game that will have the howling doggies gasping for breath by quarter 4. It will be a 14 point spread minimum.
The Green Trojans vs Clarence Birdseye
I am at a crossroads for this one. One of the more interesting picks for this weekend because while Iowa is undefeated....nobody's buying what they're sellin'. State ain't that dam bad either and the game is AT state.
I'll give the Eyes of the Sacred Hawk a lean for being undefeated and hopefully ready to defend their honor...but I don't like it!
The Fighting Roosters vs The Naval Officers No One Ever Heard Of Before
Why am I even mentioning this game? Because an old high school chum who has followed the pretend USC all his life questioned me after week 5 as to why I never mention them.
Well.....I'm mentioning ya now!
The Horny Toads vs The Guys In White Shirts and Black Ties Who Ride Bikes and Knock On Your Door
This is toughest pick of the week dear friends. I don't think anyone could say one way or the other for sure who'll take this. I believe that since it is being played in the house that Joseph Smith built (okay not really but you know what I mean), and BYU has already had their one ugly loss this season....The cult from Utah will prevail and take the frogs out of any BCS talk.
But Lord I wouldn't bet any of my own money on it......
The Steers vs The Fake Tigers From Mizzou
Why did I bring this one up? Because if you follow AUWins' blog you know that every once in a while I try to throw something your way that no one else is even watching out for. I'm not sayin'.....I'm just sayin'......
In all seriousness though, UT will pull it out. But I believe this one will be really close in the fourth quarter. Should be fun to watch.
The Real Tigers of College Football vs The Game's Biggest Asshat
How my mighty and beloved Tigers have fallen. Sigh........................
My heart says no way they can be as bad as they've been the last two weeks and that the mighty men of Auburn will come out and play like the glorious champions they are and we will all sing and dance and throw lillies at each other as we celebrate...................
Sh*t.
Ain't gonna happen.
Auburn is so thin on defense and so bad in the fundamentals (like say...tackling) that while LSWho may not be anywhere near number 9 in the nation....AU will certainly make them LOOK like a top ten team tomorrow night in that godforsaken piss hole called death valley.
If you're betting on the game with money...take an insider's word for it and take lsu and the line. It will get ugly and get even uglier. AUWins has rented a couple of pornos to watch once the game is out of hand (by the second quarter).
YAY!
I hope that all of you enjoy your 8th week of college football as much as AUWins will. Be safe if you travel...be drunk if you don't.
Let's get this thing done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
AUWins AUsome College Football Blog Week 7
AUWins Is Taking the Week Off
He will return next week (Week 8) with another exciting chapter in the AUWins AUsome College Football Blog!!!
Take care my fair readers...and enjoy this upcoming weekend!!!
Peace Out!
He will return next week (Week 8) with another exciting chapter in the AUWins AUsome College Football Blog!!!
Take care my fair readers...and enjoy this upcoming weekend!!!
Peace Out!
Friday, October 9, 2009
AUWins AUsome College Football Blog Week 6
Week 6: BOOLA BOOLA BOOLA Wacka Wacka Wacka!!!!!
Let The Craziness Begin!!
Weekly Recap of The Previous Week's Games
The Hapless Canines vs The Worlds Luckiest Assclown
Let me just recap last week's game between THUGA and the Coonasses by saying this...Georgia's got problems. Major problems!! What should have been a blowout at YOUR house of a marginal at best team in lswho turned into one of the dullest and ugliest performances between two teams in a long time in the SEC. I saw two lsu players throwing up on the field. I heard thousands of college football fans throwing up in the stadium or at home watching that sickening mess of a football game.
Chokelohoma vs Low Tropical Depression
Went down exactly the way I told my fair readers it would...didn't it? Frankly Miami should never have struggled with Stoops Troops at all but a win is a win is a win.
The Old Man On Mount Nittany vs Illinois
Why am I even bringing this one up?? Because AUwins accidentally clicked on Illinois while making his picks and was shocked and dismayed to discover the next morning the horrific mistake. Cost AUwins 5 confidence points and there were things broken in AUwins' house that day.
The Cougars vs The Pony's
You're sh*ttin' me right??? Game doesn't even start until something like 4:00 in the friggin' morning so AUwins and his loyal readers can't even follow the dam game...then I find out the next morning that June Jones actually beat the upstarts from Houston. I shoulda known better. That's what I hate about having to pick these WAC and Mountain West teams. They all lose after a few wins because they are small time and can't handle success!! All these small conferences should be banned from playing football!!!
And finally........
Remember this line from last week's blog re: the Semen Holes?
"This will be Bobby's last year. He will announce his retirement in the coming weeks before the end of the season."
Am I Nostra f*ckin' Damus or what people???!!!! hee heee
Okay so on to the games of Week 6.
Week 6 Games of Note
The Roosters With Amazingly Big Balls vs The Catholics
Va Tech benefitted greatly from it's opening game with bama. They learned their weaknesses from the outset and were able to work them out in the first several games after that while accumulating W's. The "other" catholic school NOT known as notre dame has played really good defense...but their offense is pretty godawful to watch. It's at Lame Stadium (the most overrated college gameday experience in the nation...what's with the key shaking???) and I just don't think The Boys of The Inquisition can matchup for four quarters with Frank "Don't Pay Attention To That Flap of Skin Hanging From My Left Jaw" Beamer.
The Roosters With Removed Testicles win it by at least 1o.
The Crimson Elephants vs The Yeeeeeeeeeee Hawwwwwwwwws
Okay so now Houston Nutt can go back to coaching from the only way he knows...underdog. But don't get any ideas that Jevon Snead is suddenly going to get hot against a defense like the tahd's. It will be the closest game to date for bama, but they still won't be sweatin' it in the fourth quarter. Tide by 13.
The Swampwater Coonasses vs God's Most Beloved Son
I don't mean to be or sound sacrilegious, but while I don't have anything personal against Tebow this whole 2 weeks of nothing but "The Concussion" talk has been the worst example of sports journalism (cough!! cough!!!) ever. No one knows how to simply let the f***n thing go!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!
Tebow will play (of course) and will be limited and inefficient. Once again The Asshat gets a HUGE break by having UF in HIS house AT NIGHT and lswho will play just well enough to pull a squeaker out.
Prediction: Tebow will make several critical and uncharacteristic errors in this game to give lsu points. They'll yank him some time in the second half and put in that other kid but it will be too little too late.
* A side note: I'd love to be wrong here. As an AU fan I need Les to lose. But I never takes sides against a man THAT lucky in his career again.
Games To Keep An Eye On
The School of the Overhyped vs The Cheesemakers
OSU at home. Should be a straight up win...right? I think this game will come down to the last possession. I think Wisconsin has looked better than the Butt Eyes so far...but I'm leaning towards a slight homefield advantage here with Tressel winning it by 3 or less.
Wolverines vs Hawkeyes (I'm too worn out to make up a name for these two)
Hawkeyes are undefeated....but God do they look bad. Just like their swampwater maggot lookalikes in baton rouge. Michigan has done well this season to be in every game. However this is a night game at Iowa. I think it's close but I'll give the 'eyes the W at home in burner.
The Tigers Of The Plains vs The Menu at Dreamland
I've never been happier to be wrong than I was last week in picking UT over my Tigers. I have to say though, that even at 5-0 AU's defense and special teams are still waaaaaaay too shaky to be predicting road wins against good opponents. Arky isn't a solid team but they got that giant of a QB who's already passed for something like 8,000 TD's this year. My Tigers are depleted at linebacker and last week against Johnathan InCromptonence they looked really bad on some plays.
It's a shootout down on the farm. I believe that AU's D is a little bit better than Arky's and our O is just a tad bit more balanced with our running game. I'll try not to jinx my boys but will take AU by 3 in a heartstopper.
I hope all of you whether you're travelling to your favorite team's stadium this weekend, or sitting back on the couch slamming brewskies all day, have a great one and be safe out there you crazy kids!!!
Til next week.....
Let The Craziness Begin!!
Weekly Recap of The Previous Week's Games
The Hapless Canines vs The Worlds Luckiest Assclown
Let me just recap last week's game between THUGA and the Coonasses by saying this...Georgia's got problems. Major problems!! What should have been a blowout at YOUR house of a marginal at best team in lswho turned into one of the dullest and ugliest performances between two teams in a long time in the SEC. I saw two lsu players throwing up on the field. I heard thousands of college football fans throwing up in the stadium or at home watching that sickening mess of a football game.
Chokelohoma vs Low Tropical Depression
Went down exactly the way I told my fair readers it would...didn't it? Frankly Miami should never have struggled with Stoops Troops at all but a win is a win is a win.
The Old Man On Mount Nittany vs Illinois
Why am I even bringing this one up?? Because AUwins accidentally clicked on Illinois while making his picks and was shocked and dismayed to discover the next morning the horrific mistake. Cost AUwins 5 confidence points and there were things broken in AUwins' house that day.
The Cougars vs The Pony's
You're sh*ttin' me right??? Game doesn't even start until something like 4:00 in the friggin' morning so AUwins and his loyal readers can't even follow the dam game...then I find out the next morning that June Jones actually beat the upstarts from Houston. I shoulda known better. That's what I hate about having to pick these WAC and Mountain West teams. They all lose after a few wins because they are small time and can't handle success!! All these small conferences should be banned from playing football!!!
And finally........
Remember this line from last week's blog re: the Semen Holes?
"This will be Bobby's last year. He will announce his retirement in the coming weeks before the end of the season."
Am I Nostra f*ckin' Damus or what people???!!!! hee heee
Okay so on to the games of Week 6.
Week 6 Games of Note
The Roosters With Amazingly Big Balls vs The Catholics
Va Tech benefitted greatly from it's opening game with bama. They learned their weaknesses from the outset and were able to work them out in the first several games after that while accumulating W's. The "other" catholic school NOT known as notre dame has played really good defense...but their offense is pretty godawful to watch. It's at Lame Stadium (the most overrated college gameday experience in the nation...what's with the key shaking???) and I just don't think The Boys of The Inquisition can matchup for four quarters with Frank "Don't Pay Attention To That Flap of Skin Hanging From My Left Jaw" Beamer.
The Roosters With Removed Testicles win it by at least 1o.
The Crimson Elephants vs The Yeeeeeeeeeee Hawwwwwwwwws
Okay so now Houston Nutt can go back to coaching from the only way he knows...underdog. But don't get any ideas that Jevon Snead is suddenly going to get hot against a defense like the tahd's. It will be the closest game to date for bama, but they still won't be sweatin' it in the fourth quarter. Tide by 13.
The Swampwater Coonasses vs God's Most Beloved Son
I don't mean to be or sound sacrilegious, but while I don't have anything personal against Tebow this whole 2 weeks of nothing but "The Concussion" talk has been the worst example of sports journalism (cough!! cough!!!) ever. No one knows how to simply let the f***n thing go!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!
Tebow will play (of course) and will be limited and inefficient. Once again The Asshat gets a HUGE break by having UF in HIS house AT NIGHT and lswho will play just well enough to pull a squeaker out.
Prediction: Tebow will make several critical and uncharacteristic errors in this game to give lsu points. They'll yank him some time in the second half and put in that other kid but it will be too little too late.
* A side note: I'd love to be wrong here. As an AU fan I need Les to lose. But I never takes sides against a man THAT lucky in his career again.
Games To Keep An Eye On
The School of the Overhyped vs The Cheesemakers
OSU at home. Should be a straight up win...right? I think this game will come down to the last possession. I think Wisconsin has looked better than the Butt Eyes so far...but I'm leaning towards a slight homefield advantage here with Tressel winning it by 3 or less.
Wolverines vs Hawkeyes (I'm too worn out to make up a name for these two)
Hawkeyes are undefeated....but God do they look bad. Just like their swampwater maggot lookalikes in baton rouge. Michigan has done well this season to be in every game. However this is a night game at Iowa. I think it's close but I'll give the 'eyes the W at home in burner.
The Tigers Of The Plains vs The Menu at Dreamland
I've never been happier to be wrong than I was last week in picking UT over my Tigers. I have to say though, that even at 5-0 AU's defense and special teams are still waaaaaaay too shaky to be predicting road wins against good opponents. Arky isn't a solid team but they got that giant of a QB who's already passed for something like 8,000 TD's this year. My Tigers are depleted at linebacker and last week against Johnathan InCromptonence they looked really bad on some plays.
It's a shootout down on the farm. I believe that AU's D is a little bit better than Arky's and our O is just a tad bit more balanced with our running game. I'll try not to jinx my boys but will take AU by 3 in a heartstopper.
I hope all of you whether you're travelling to your favorite team's stadium this weekend, or sitting back on the couch slamming brewskies all day, have a great one and be safe out there you crazy kids!!!
Til next week.....
Friday, October 2, 2009
AUWins AUsome College Football Blog Week 5
This Week: Hammer Meets Nail!!!!
Hello again all my wonderful readers out there in the college football world. This week's blog will be somewhat short and sweet. Why you may ask? Well, because AUWins has too much to do at work and his Friday lunch is being cut short so I don't have a helluva lotta time! HA!
Let's have a quick recap of last week then look ahead to week 5's exciting line up.
Week 4 Recap and Learnings
Scalphunters vs Bulls
Okay, so who out there actually PREDICTED this one??? Are you JOKING??!!! For the second straight week in a row, Bowden's boys threw up the biggest upset...except this time it was by LOSING to USF who was playing their backup QB at FSU. This will be Bobby's last year. He will announce his retirement in the coming weeks before the end of the season.
LSWho vs Poor Man's Bulldogs
I sincerely believe that Les "The Mess" Miles has a signed pact with Mephostopheles. Asshat can't really coach and yet he always has just enough talent to win him games like this past week's against bottom dweller Miss State. Take one Chad Jones out of the game, and Miss State actually wins by 14.
The Low Tropical Depression vs Roosters Suddenly With BALLS!!
Never seen bad weather so totally take a good team out of their game plan like it did Miami. That was horrible!! Cost AUWins a lot of points too in my pickem!
Iowa vs The Old Man On Mount Nittany
Was anybody surprised Penn State was yet again shown for being just some average lumbering Big 10 team?
Week 5 Games To Watch
Oklahoma Laters vs Low Tropical Depression
Worst thing that coulda happened to OK was for Va Tech to beat Miami senseless in Blacksburg. I think OK is a good team with an excellent defense, and this will NOT be a blowout. But I believe Miami playing at home will win this one and put Chokelahoma's season on ice in the first weekend in October.
The Mangy Mutts vs The Asshat
Les Miles won't win AT Athens with THAT team he showed the first 3 games. Mark Richt will have some of the problems corrected that THUGA has had in week 5 and I'm actually guessing that it could get rather ugly for the coonasses. The leghumpers win by a sizable margin (14+) and the grumbling in Baton Rooooooooooooooge starts to become audible.
The Condoms vs The Leftist Commies
Don't even think that Cal has a shot here. USC lost their only game of the season because of an injured QB who couldn't play. He's back and USC comes out this weekend and MAKES A STATEMENT! Mark it down. Cal will slither under the nearest rock after this ass beating!
The Pachyderms vs The Toothless Mountain Lions
As much as I dislike my arch rival, their defense is probably the best in the nation and their offense is much better than expected. Rich Brooks will have a brain aneurysm in the 2nd quarter when bammer blocks a punt and runs it in for 7 more to make it 49 - 0.
The Glorious Heroes Of Auburn vs The Extras From "Deliverance"
I love my Tigers more than many things in life (sorry Ethel, you were beautiful), but I have a BAAAAAAAAAAAD feeling about their first road trip up in THEM THAR HILLS!! I believe UT's defense will stiffen up and force AU to go to the air. While Auburn will have some success on offense, my fear as a fan that it will not be enough to overcome what is one of the worst special teams units in the country.
I have never wanted to be more wrong...but I believe AU's special teams gives UT 10 point and loses by 3. AUWins will be, for one day at least, AULoses.
Well there you have it friends. I hope that you all have a great, relaxing and safe college football weekend. Enjoy all the games and after this Saturday, the college football landscape will be consirably changed with many overrated teams losing for the first, or even SECOND time.
See you next week!
Hello again all my wonderful readers out there in the college football world. This week's blog will be somewhat short and sweet. Why you may ask? Well, because AUWins has too much to do at work and his Friday lunch is being cut short so I don't have a helluva lotta time! HA!
Let's have a quick recap of last week then look ahead to week 5's exciting line up.
Week 4 Recap and Learnings
Scalphunters vs Bulls
Okay, so who out there actually PREDICTED this one??? Are you JOKING??!!! For the second straight week in a row, Bowden's boys threw up the biggest upset...except this time it was by LOSING to USF who was playing their backup QB at FSU. This will be Bobby's last year. He will announce his retirement in the coming weeks before the end of the season.
LSWho vs Poor Man's Bulldogs
I sincerely believe that Les "The Mess" Miles has a signed pact with Mephostopheles. Asshat can't really coach and yet he always has just enough talent to win him games like this past week's against bottom dweller Miss State. Take one Chad Jones out of the game, and Miss State actually wins by 14.
The Low Tropical Depression vs Roosters Suddenly With BALLS!!
Never seen bad weather so totally take a good team out of their game plan like it did Miami. That was horrible!! Cost AUWins a lot of points too in my pickem!
Iowa vs The Old Man On Mount Nittany
Was anybody surprised Penn State was yet again shown for being just some average lumbering Big 10 team?
Week 5 Games To Watch
Oklahoma Laters vs Low Tropical Depression
Worst thing that coulda happened to OK was for Va Tech to beat Miami senseless in Blacksburg. I think OK is a good team with an excellent defense, and this will NOT be a blowout. But I believe Miami playing at home will win this one and put Chokelahoma's season on ice in the first weekend in October.
The Mangy Mutts vs The Asshat
Les Miles won't win AT Athens with THAT team he showed the first 3 games. Mark Richt will have some of the problems corrected that THUGA has had in week 5 and I'm actually guessing that it could get rather ugly for the coonasses. The leghumpers win by a sizable margin (14+) and the grumbling in Baton Rooooooooooooooge starts to become audible.
The Condoms vs The Leftist Commies
Don't even think that Cal has a shot here. USC lost their only game of the season because of an injured QB who couldn't play. He's back and USC comes out this weekend and MAKES A STATEMENT! Mark it down. Cal will slither under the nearest rock after this ass beating!
The Pachyderms vs The Toothless Mountain Lions
As much as I dislike my arch rival, their defense is probably the best in the nation and their offense is much better than expected. Rich Brooks will have a brain aneurysm in the 2nd quarter when bammer blocks a punt and runs it in for 7 more to make it 49 - 0.
The Glorious Heroes Of Auburn vs The Extras From "Deliverance"
I love my Tigers more than many things in life (sorry Ethel, you were beautiful), but I have a BAAAAAAAAAAAD feeling about their first road trip up in THEM THAR HILLS!! I believe UT's defense will stiffen up and force AU to go to the air. While Auburn will have some success on offense, my fear as a fan that it will not be enough to overcome what is one of the worst special teams units in the country.
I have never wanted to be more wrong...but I believe AU's special teams gives UT 10 point and loses by 3. AUWins will be, for one day at least, AULoses.
Well there you have it friends. I hope that you all have a great, relaxing and safe college football weekend. Enjoy all the games and after this Saturday, the college football landscape will be consirably changed with many overrated teams losing for the first, or even SECOND time.
See you next week!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
AUWins Ausome College Football Blog Week 4
AUWins College Football Blog Week 4
Tonight's Exciting Episode: The Calm Before The Storm!
Welcome once again all of my brethren and sisters of the church of the Fall Saturday! I trust that in the first 3 weeks you have been blessed with as much fun and excitement as I, you're loyal and faithful blogger. So much has already happened to scramble the hunt for the national champion this year. And if you think that all the big upsets and all the huge surprises are over...BWAAAAAAAAA HAA HAAA HAAAAA!!!
Week 4 has several good/interesting contests...but it's the week of the season where a lot of teams are playing one of their last patsies before conference play begins in earnest next week for everyone. It's the calm before the storm (hence the title of this week's blog...well you get it)
Some initial thoughts of retrospection on Week 3...
USC and UW
There are a lot of "sayings" in college football. Some hold true while other sayings tend to be proven wrong over time. There is, however, one saying that has stood the test of time. It goes something like, "If you have two quarterbacks, then really don't have ANY quarterbacks." Every year we see teams try to juggle the 2 QB system. Every head coach thinks HIS TEAM will be the exception. Sorry Pete...even your mighty Trojan horse got brought down (yet again I might add) by another inferior Pac 10 school. This time your Achilles Heel was starting another QB in place of the young man who dazzled the nation against the U of Northern Rednecks the week before. Now, I know that Barkley was supposedly injured, but I gathered that you, Mr. Carroll, were playing a little fast and loose with the notion that one week you could play a true freshman on the road and win and then the very next week start another guy with limited experience on the road and come out victorious as well.
Sorry........
The Joseph Smith's vs The Semen Holes
Good God! I lost my arse on this pickem!! Jeeeeeeeeeeeez...Louise!! You GOTTA be joking!!
The U of The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat vs The Utes (Not Youths...Utes!)
Displaying their 45th uniform combo...the U of Oregon presented the nation with the ugliest thing ever seen with their grey pants and whatever the hell they were wearing up top. Utah never regained their composure after seeing Oregon come out onto the field for warmups and lost the game badly.
Okay, enough bitching about week 3. Let's look ahead to week 4 and get some gold nuggets of wisdom from yours truly.
Week 4 Key Matchups
Hokies vs Miami
If you're not impressed with Miami so far, then you just have thing against Miami! Jacory Harris looks totally unflappable and has command over his passing game. The running game is also coming around as opponents begin to respect the passing attack for Miami. The team's overall speed looks like Miami of old. Matching Harris and Taylor is no contest. Miami will go to Blacksburg and win convincingly up there.
Cal vs The Quacking Quacks
For all that transpired on week 1 against Boise...I am starting to believe that Oregon might just jump up and be a decent team and a contender in the PAC 10 after all this season. What they did to Utah last week has me (and many other fans too) scratching their head. The game is AT Oregon, one of the loudest stadiums in the country. I think this is a tossup game coming down to the team with the ball last either winning it or losing it on the final drive. I'll take Cal...but I ain't puttin' no money on it!
The Filthy Farm Animals vs The Cirmsen Tahd (phonetically spelled for bammers)
You may think that just because this Mallett kid threw the ball all over a horrific excuse for a defense last week that bammer might be in trouble. Forget it. Bama has had two off weeks to fine tune the engine and that engine is getting ready to run over Bobby Boy in Tusks Are Loosers this Saturday (sorry Gary!) Yeah, Arky might score a couple of first half touchdowns as the bama D settles in...but it will most likely get ugly enough for Petrino to be on his cell by fourth quarter asking his agent to begin the job search again.
Okie State vs Grambling State
Chaaaa!! Right!!
The Oldest Human on Earth vs Iowa
Sorry, I know I already used "Oldest Human on Earth" in an earlier blog for Joe, but I like it. It's pretty damn funny.
I think that Iowa is way too inconsistent to go into Gleeful Dip In the Land and win. I don't think Penn St. is really all that great from what little I've seen, but they don't look bad either. Joe gets another W to stay well ahead of St. Bowden now that the NCAA has finally decided to sanction the MF for all the years of cheating down there in Tallahassee!!
Games To Keep An Eye On
Not a ton this week. Remember the name of this week's blog. Calm before the storm. But....
Stanford vs UW
The Huskies are on the road against Jim Harbaugh and a not-so-friggin-bad team in Stanford. After the program defining upset last Saturday, we all know how hard it will be for Washington to come back down to earth...especially on the road. I believe the Cardinal takes it and the guy in the tree costume gets peed on by the Washington mascot in the 3rd quarter.
The Herschel Walkers vs That Guy Who Used To Coach Miami
No reason THUGA shouldn't win this one. I'm certainly not going to predict the upset. But the puppies have been living dangerously all season (losing one already) and I don't think too many leghumper fans are going to just assume a V here. Georgia wins at home but the D will most likely continue to struggle and give up points. Willie Martinez has to change his phone number after this Saturday so Mark Richt will quit calling him and threatening his family.
Houston vs The Pirates of the Caribbean (Aarrrrrgh!!)
Frankly I have ZERO clue as to how this game will go. Yeah, UH beat the dogshite out of an overhyped, overanked Okie State team. But Mike "I'm a Pirate" Leach is just too good (and too WEIRD) to lose a game like this. Unless Tech is just way overmanned here, I see the red raiders taking this one in a wild shootout....or swordfight...or whatever pirates do in battle.
So that's it! Please tell your fellow college fans to come on board and read. Feel free to leave a comment or your own take on some of these matchups! Until next week when we REALLY get going...enjoy, be safe, and drink heavily!!
Tonight's Exciting Episode: The Calm Before The Storm!
Welcome once again all of my brethren and sisters of the church of the Fall Saturday! I trust that in the first 3 weeks you have been blessed with as much fun and excitement as I, you're loyal and faithful blogger. So much has already happened to scramble the hunt for the national champion this year. And if you think that all the big upsets and all the huge surprises are over...BWAAAAAAAAA HAA HAAA HAAAAA!!!
Week 4 has several good/interesting contests...but it's the week of the season where a lot of teams are playing one of their last patsies before conference play begins in earnest next week for everyone. It's the calm before the storm (hence the title of this week's blog...well you get it)
Some initial thoughts of retrospection on Week 3...
USC and UW
There are a lot of "sayings" in college football. Some hold true while other sayings tend to be proven wrong over time. There is, however, one saying that has stood the test of time. It goes something like, "If you have two quarterbacks, then really don't have ANY quarterbacks." Every year we see teams try to juggle the 2 QB system. Every head coach thinks HIS TEAM will be the exception. Sorry Pete...even your mighty Trojan horse got brought down (yet again I might add) by another inferior Pac 10 school. This time your Achilles Heel was starting another QB in place of the young man who dazzled the nation against the U of Northern Rednecks the week before. Now, I know that Barkley was supposedly injured, but I gathered that you, Mr. Carroll, were playing a little fast and loose with the notion that one week you could play a true freshman on the road and win and then the very next week start another guy with limited experience on the road and come out victorious as well.
Sorry........
The Joseph Smith's vs The Semen Holes
Good God! I lost my arse on this pickem!! Jeeeeeeeeeeeez...Louise!! You GOTTA be joking!!
The U of The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat vs The Utes (Not Youths...Utes!)
Displaying their 45th uniform combo...the U of Oregon presented the nation with the ugliest thing ever seen with their grey pants and whatever the hell they were wearing up top. Utah never regained their composure after seeing Oregon come out onto the field for warmups and lost the game badly.
Okay, enough bitching about week 3. Let's look ahead to week 4 and get some gold nuggets of wisdom from yours truly.
Week 4 Key Matchups
Hokies vs Miami
If you're not impressed with Miami so far, then you just have thing against Miami! Jacory Harris looks totally unflappable and has command over his passing game. The running game is also coming around as opponents begin to respect the passing attack for Miami. The team's overall speed looks like Miami of old. Matching Harris and Taylor is no contest. Miami will go to Blacksburg and win convincingly up there.
Cal vs The Quacking Quacks
For all that transpired on week 1 against Boise...I am starting to believe that Oregon might just jump up and be a decent team and a contender in the PAC 10 after all this season. What they did to Utah last week has me (and many other fans too) scratching their head. The game is AT Oregon, one of the loudest stadiums in the country. I think this is a tossup game coming down to the team with the ball last either winning it or losing it on the final drive. I'll take Cal...but I ain't puttin' no money on it!
The Filthy Farm Animals vs The Cirmsen Tahd (phonetically spelled for bammers)
You may think that just because this Mallett kid threw the ball all over a horrific excuse for a defense last week that bammer might be in trouble. Forget it. Bama has had two off weeks to fine tune the engine and that engine is getting ready to run over Bobby Boy in Tusks Are Loosers this Saturday (sorry Gary!) Yeah, Arky might score a couple of first half touchdowns as the bama D settles in...but it will most likely get ugly enough for Petrino to be on his cell by fourth quarter asking his agent to begin the job search again.
Okie State vs Grambling State
Chaaaa!! Right!!
The Oldest Human on Earth vs Iowa
Sorry, I know I already used "Oldest Human on Earth" in an earlier blog for Joe, but I like it. It's pretty damn funny.
I think that Iowa is way too inconsistent to go into Gleeful Dip In the Land and win. I don't think Penn St. is really all that great from what little I've seen, but they don't look bad either. Joe gets another W to stay well ahead of St. Bowden now that the NCAA has finally decided to sanction the MF for all the years of cheating down there in Tallahassee!!
Games To Keep An Eye On
Not a ton this week. Remember the name of this week's blog. Calm before the storm. But....
Stanford vs UW
The Huskies are on the road against Jim Harbaugh and a not-so-friggin-bad team in Stanford. After the program defining upset last Saturday, we all know how hard it will be for Washington to come back down to earth...especially on the road. I believe the Cardinal takes it and the guy in the tree costume gets peed on by the Washington mascot in the 3rd quarter.
The Herschel Walkers vs That Guy Who Used To Coach Miami
No reason THUGA shouldn't win this one. I'm certainly not going to predict the upset. But the puppies have been living dangerously all season (losing one already) and I don't think too many leghumper fans are going to just assume a V here. Georgia wins at home but the D will most likely continue to struggle and give up points. Willie Martinez has to change his phone number after this Saturday so Mark Richt will quit calling him and threatening his family.
Houston vs The Pirates of the Caribbean (Aarrrrrgh!!)
Frankly I have ZERO clue as to how this game will go. Yeah, UH beat the dogshite out of an overhyped, overanked Okie State team. But Mike "I'm a Pirate" Leach is just too good (and too WEIRD) to lose a game like this. Unless Tech is just way overmanned here, I see the red raiders taking this one in a wild shootout....or swordfight...or whatever pirates do in battle.
So that's it! Please tell your fellow college fans to come on board and read. Feel free to leave a comment or your own take on some of these matchups! Until next week when we REALLY get going...enjoy, be safe, and drink heavily!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Week 3 AUWins AUsome College Football Blog
Week 3: Rubber Meets The Road
Welcome all of my good friends and fellow college football fans! I trust that after two weeks you are having as much fun this year as I am watching all the great CF action around the country. Let's make a couple of quick comments about last week's games before launching into this week's matchups.
Notes From Week 2
Ohio St sold its soul and its future to the recruiting gurus who have taken over college football. Terrell Pryor, as I suspected all along, is just another fast runner who's big and occasionally can fling the ball a long way if he's without pressure. One thing he is NOT...is a first rate college QB.
THUGA is at a crossroads this season going into Arky. Yeah you scored 30 plus against the roosters...but they scored 30 plus on your D too. This week will determine if you have a mediocre to good season and a horrible one. You need to beat Arky there. If you don't, the wheels come off the rest of the way with fans griping and moaning and the team doing the same.
The last drive performance by Barkley for USC Saturday was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen a freshman do in CF. Wow!!
Week 3 Matchups
Okay boys and girls, this week is where the STUFF really starts to fly! There are a host of games that could go any way. Teams are now being matched with fairly equal talent and it's anyone's guess as to who the winner will be.
God's Favorite Player vs The Assclown From Smoky Country
First know this. No game could ever be as big a blowout as everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) is predicting when you match two big time SEC foes like this. The line is way too big for UF here. UT may not be any good...but even with dipsh*t for a head coach and his older than dirt father calling the D, UT has too much pride and talent to let UF whip them as badly as it's being touted. UF wins...but the spread will be more like 21 at MOST.
St. Mark vs Judas Iscariot
If you don't know who Judas was it's because you're an aetheist and you're going to hell. So don't worry 'bout it! As I stated above, this is the swing game for the mutt's season. I don't like Bobby "Where's My Next Job" Petrino, but I'm pulling for him to beat the doggies at his house and send them packing for the rest of the season. However, realistically we don't know that much about Arky yet. They've only played one game so far. THUGA has been in the fire twice now and is 1-1. I don't have a clue as to who's gonna win this game. Simply not enough info. My hunch? THUGA's boys are tired of hearing how bad they are so far this season. They'll pull together on the road and pull out a V in hogland.
Games to Watch Out For
Be ready to see about half your picks this week be wrong!! I'm serious. There are just simply too many close matchups this week. For me...I'm just hoping I can come away lightly damaged in my CF pool after Saturday. Here's some games that I think go either way.
UNC vs Lou's Son
I predicted last week that Uconn would give Butch and his boys all they could handle. I think the same thing happens again this week. East Carolina is a pretty solid team...and they aren't happy about losing to W. VA last week. I'll give the tar heels a V only because it's at home, but I wouldn't bet my own money on it.
Boise St. vs Fresno St.
I haven't the foggiest!! Tossup game.
Condoms vs West Coast Version of Dawgs
If you bet money on college football....take my advice and stay the HELL away from this game!!! I mean it!! Barkley may not play and they are coming off a HUUUUUUGE emotional win at the northern redneck capital. UW has been playing well under what's his Italian face. DON'T TOUCH IT!!
The Socialists vs The Gophers
Cal looks pretty solid so far. But they gotta play Minn. at the new stadium in the land of a thousand lakes. I hate, hate, hate this game from a pickem standpoint. Absolutely HATE IT!! I'll take the talent of Cal over the dirt digging rodents...but I don't like it. Not one bit. Ewweeeee!!
The Manly Men of AU vs the Hatfields and McCoys
Auburn has progressed light years from where it ended the nightmare that was the 08 season. Without dumbf*ck Tony Franklin submarining the offense, AU actually is back to resembling an SEC caliber team this year. After two weeks of getting used to the new coaching staff and the new offensive and defensive philosophies...in comes West Va. It will be a TEST! Last week the mountaineer's QB put up 4 TD's and looked like Mr. All-World. Can the AU defense which has looked a little shaky in sections hold him and the little midget Noel Devine? We'll see. I'm a homer, which means I'm predicting AU wins but in a close game by 4. AUWins may suffer a stroke in the process but it'll be fun just so long as my beloved Plainsmen come out with a win.
I wish all my readers a happy 3rd weekend of college ball. Enjoy, be safe and War Eagle!!!
Welcome all of my good friends and fellow college football fans! I trust that after two weeks you are having as much fun this year as I am watching all the great CF action around the country. Let's make a couple of quick comments about last week's games before launching into this week's matchups.
Notes From Week 2
Ohio St sold its soul and its future to the recruiting gurus who have taken over college football. Terrell Pryor, as I suspected all along, is just another fast runner who's big and occasionally can fling the ball a long way if he's without pressure. One thing he is NOT...is a first rate college QB.
THUGA is at a crossroads this season going into Arky. Yeah you scored 30 plus against the roosters...but they scored 30 plus on your D too. This week will determine if you have a mediocre to good season and a horrible one. You need to beat Arky there. If you don't, the wheels come off the rest of the way with fans griping and moaning and the team doing the same.
The last drive performance by Barkley for USC Saturday was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen a freshman do in CF. Wow!!
Week 3 Matchups
Okay boys and girls, this week is where the STUFF really starts to fly! There are a host of games that could go any way. Teams are now being matched with fairly equal talent and it's anyone's guess as to who the winner will be.
God's Favorite Player vs The Assclown From Smoky Country
First know this. No game could ever be as big a blowout as everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) is predicting when you match two big time SEC foes like this. The line is way too big for UF here. UT may not be any good...but even with dipsh*t for a head coach and his older than dirt father calling the D, UT has too much pride and talent to let UF whip them as badly as it's being touted. UF wins...but the spread will be more like 21 at MOST.
St. Mark vs Judas Iscariot
If you don't know who Judas was it's because you're an aetheist and you're going to hell. So don't worry 'bout it! As I stated above, this is the swing game for the mutt's season. I don't like Bobby "Where's My Next Job" Petrino, but I'm pulling for him to beat the doggies at his house and send them packing for the rest of the season. However, realistically we don't know that much about Arky yet. They've only played one game so far. THUGA has been in the fire twice now and is 1-1. I don't have a clue as to who's gonna win this game. Simply not enough info. My hunch? THUGA's boys are tired of hearing how bad they are so far this season. They'll pull together on the road and pull out a V in hogland.
Games to Watch Out For
Be ready to see about half your picks this week be wrong!! I'm serious. There are just simply too many close matchups this week. For me...I'm just hoping I can come away lightly damaged in my CF pool after Saturday. Here's some games that I think go either way.
UNC vs Lou's Son
I predicted last week that Uconn would give Butch and his boys all they could handle. I think the same thing happens again this week. East Carolina is a pretty solid team...and they aren't happy about losing to W. VA last week. I'll give the tar heels a V only because it's at home, but I wouldn't bet my own money on it.
Boise St. vs Fresno St.
I haven't the foggiest!! Tossup game.
Condoms vs West Coast Version of Dawgs
If you bet money on college football....take my advice and stay the HELL away from this game!!! I mean it!! Barkley may not play and they are coming off a HUUUUUUGE emotional win at the northern redneck capital. UW has been playing well under what's his Italian face. DON'T TOUCH IT!!
The Socialists vs The Gophers
Cal looks pretty solid so far. But they gotta play Minn. at the new stadium in the land of a thousand lakes. I hate, hate, hate this game from a pickem standpoint. Absolutely HATE IT!! I'll take the talent of Cal over the dirt digging rodents...but I don't like it. Not one bit. Ewweeeee!!
The Manly Men of AU vs the Hatfields and McCoys
Auburn has progressed light years from where it ended the nightmare that was the 08 season. Without dumbf*ck Tony Franklin submarining the offense, AU actually is back to resembling an SEC caliber team this year. After two weeks of getting used to the new coaching staff and the new offensive and defensive philosophies...in comes West Va. It will be a TEST! Last week the mountaineer's QB put up 4 TD's and looked like Mr. All-World. Can the AU defense which has looked a little shaky in sections hold him and the little midget Noel Devine? We'll see. I'm a homer, which means I'm predicting AU wins but in a close game by 4. AUWins may suffer a stroke in the process but it'll be fun just so long as my beloved Plainsmen come out with a win.
I wish all my readers a happy 3rd weekend of college ball. Enjoy, be safe and War Eagle!!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
AUWins AUsome College Football Blog Week 2
Hello again everybody from the land of milk and honey and by honey I don't mean the kind that bees make. Try to figure that out why I finish my incredibly insightful points about the upcoming weekend in college football!
I trust that all of my faithful followers had a great Labor Day weekend and enjoyed all the college football we had on display last week. As I predicted, Ohio State struggled mightily with the Navy option attack. What I could NOT predict is the Navy's head coach (okay, YOU go ahead and try to pronounce it!) would make such a boneheaded play call on the 2 point conversion to literally hand the hard fought game over to the butteyes. Horrible!
It was also no real surprise that the tahd from bama tore loose on the circumsized roosters in the fourth quarter. I had thought it would come down to mistakes and that the more experienced hokies would make less of them. Turned out it was simply a matter of who was the stronger man. As usual in that type of contest, the SEC prevailed.
Finally, I believe THUGA may be in trouble. Trust me, as an Auburn fan I've seen it up close and personal.
So what words of impeccable wisdom do I have for this week? Let us pray....
Weekend 2 Notable Matchups
The Butt Eyes vs U of Spoiled Children
Let me state this up front. I believe T. Pryor is one of the most overhyped kids in a long time in CF. I told one of my buddies last weekend as we watched him against Navy that so far he looks like a taller and larger Mike Vick. No real consistency with his passing game. State will ride his legs and hope he's another V. Young but so far he's not. On the other side of this you have a true freshman QB for the used condoms. I don't like that when you combine it with being on the road in one of the largest football stadiums in the country. However, I just feel in my gut that the surrounding speed and talent at SC is better than the home field advantage of OSU. I think this game is close for 3 quarters, but then Pryor will fumble or throw an INT in the fourth and then the wheels will come off .
USC by 10.
The Leps vs Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecheegan
If you put Fattyboy up against the Mountain West and WAC (minus Boise St) all season then Lou Holthhhhz could see his sexual fantasy come true and the fighting fairy boys would win a NC. But Michigan is not a lowly Mtn West or WAC team. And while we don't really know just how improved they are this season, the dancing green leprechauns are at the big house and I think the home field advantage and the coaching advantage of Richy boy will prevail.
UM by 7 and Charlie Wies splits his britches bending over to retrieve his dropped stat sheet.
Games Worth Keeping An Eye On (Just for fun)
UNC vs UConn
I hate these kinds of games because the lesser team (in this case, UConn) usually play really well and can pull off the upset, but they can also go in and lay an egg too. I think this is one of the better chances to see an upset this weekend. UConn is fiesty with something to prove every time they take the field. They played well last weekend scoring in bunches. UNC had better NOT have tar heels tomorrow!
The 'Cuse vs The Worlds Oldest Living Human
Yeah they lost late last weekend to Minnesota. But just as I had a funny feeling about Navy and OSU last weekend I'm telling you to chech the halftime score of this one and see what's going on before writing the orangemen off.
bama vs fla. intl
Just joking!!!! Haa haaa!
The Scholars of the SEC vs Asshat Lester and Yella Thangs
Vandy had absolutely GROSS rushing yardage last weekend. Lester and his ilk struggled on the road vs the huskies. I have a feeling The Who will play much better at home but if you're a TRUE fan of CF...you'll watch what Vandy does running the ball this weekend in redstick. I think the coonarses win it but it will be a close game late.
THUGA vs The Cockfighters
God only knows. Both of these SEC teams looked downright pathetic in week 1. It's at the toiletbowl in Athens (that's Georgia, not Greece for you bama fans out there) so I give the mutts a three point victory. Spurrier will shove his visor up Garcia's arse and then go out and play QB himself in the second half.
The Men of Auburn vs The Poor Man's bulldogs
My beloved Tigers looked strong in the second half in week one. I believe they will improve tenfold this week on both sides of the ball. But I also believe State brings in a rejuvinated program who will play hard for 3 quarters and keep it from being a blowout. In the fourth Q however, Auburn and the homefield advantage take over and we leave beautiful Jordan (that's pronounced "Jer-dan") Hare singing about how great it is to be an Auburn Tiger. AU by 13.
I trust all of my wonderful readers and followers have a terrific weekend and if you travel, travel well and travel safely.
Enjoy....and WAR EAGLE!!
I trust that all of my faithful followers had a great Labor Day weekend and enjoyed all the college football we had on display last week. As I predicted, Ohio State struggled mightily with the Navy option attack. What I could NOT predict is the Navy's head coach (okay, YOU go ahead and try to pronounce it!) would make such a boneheaded play call on the 2 point conversion to literally hand the hard fought game over to the butteyes. Horrible!
It was also no real surprise that the tahd from bama tore loose on the circumsized roosters in the fourth quarter. I had thought it would come down to mistakes and that the more experienced hokies would make less of them. Turned out it was simply a matter of who was the stronger man. As usual in that type of contest, the SEC prevailed.
Finally, I believe THUGA may be in trouble. Trust me, as an Auburn fan I've seen it up close and personal.
So what words of impeccable wisdom do I have for this week? Let us pray....
Weekend 2 Notable Matchups
The Butt Eyes vs U of Spoiled Children
Let me state this up front. I believe T. Pryor is one of the most overhyped kids in a long time in CF. I told one of my buddies last weekend as we watched him against Navy that so far he looks like a taller and larger Mike Vick. No real consistency with his passing game. State will ride his legs and hope he's another V. Young but so far he's not. On the other side of this you have a true freshman QB for the used condoms. I don't like that when you combine it with being on the road in one of the largest football stadiums in the country. However, I just feel in my gut that the surrounding speed and talent at SC is better than the home field advantage of OSU. I think this game is close for 3 quarters, but then Pryor will fumble or throw an INT in the fourth and then the wheels will come off .
USC by 10.
The Leps vs Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecheegan
If you put Fattyboy up against the Mountain West and WAC (minus Boise St) all season then Lou Holthhhhz could see his sexual fantasy come true and the fighting fairy boys would win a NC. But Michigan is not a lowly Mtn West or WAC team. And while we don't really know just how improved they are this season, the dancing green leprechauns are at the big house and I think the home field advantage and the coaching advantage of Richy boy will prevail.
UM by 7 and Charlie Wies splits his britches bending over to retrieve his dropped stat sheet.
Games Worth Keeping An Eye On (Just for fun)
UNC vs UConn
I hate these kinds of games because the lesser team (in this case, UConn) usually play really well and can pull off the upset, but they can also go in and lay an egg too. I think this is one of the better chances to see an upset this weekend. UConn is fiesty with something to prove every time they take the field. They played well last weekend scoring in bunches. UNC had better NOT have tar heels tomorrow!
The 'Cuse vs The Worlds Oldest Living Human
Yeah they lost late last weekend to Minnesota. But just as I had a funny feeling about Navy and OSU last weekend I'm telling you to chech the halftime score of this one and see what's going on before writing the orangemen off.
bama vs fla. intl
Just joking!!!! Haa haaa!
The Scholars of the SEC vs Asshat Lester and Yella Thangs
Vandy had absolutely GROSS rushing yardage last weekend. Lester and his ilk struggled on the road vs the huskies. I have a feeling The Who will play much better at home but if you're a TRUE fan of CF...you'll watch what Vandy does running the ball this weekend in redstick. I think the coonarses win it but it will be a close game late.
THUGA vs The Cockfighters
God only knows. Both of these SEC teams looked downright pathetic in week 1. It's at the toiletbowl in Athens (that's Georgia, not Greece for you bama fans out there) so I give the mutts a three point victory. Spurrier will shove his visor up Garcia's arse and then go out and play QB himself in the second half.
The Men of Auburn vs The Poor Man's bulldogs
My beloved Tigers looked strong in the second half in week one. I believe they will improve tenfold this week on both sides of the ball. But I also believe State brings in a rejuvinated program who will play hard for 3 quarters and keep it from being a blowout. In the fourth Q however, Auburn and the homefield advantage take over and we leave beautiful Jordan (that's pronounced "Jer-dan") Hare singing about how great it is to be an Auburn Tiger. AU by 13.
I trust all of my wonderful readers and followers have a terrific weekend and if you travel, travel well and travel safely.
Enjoy....and WAR EAGLE!!
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